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“I’ve torn through a dozen or so relationships... Bodybuilding is a
lonely sport. Alone when I eat, when I train, and when I finally stand
under the bright lights. It’s Friday night and I’m here with my girl
but I’m alone. She’s pissed & won’t talk. Can’t say I blame her.
Still, she knew it was coming...”
“Anytime I meet a good one, I always let her know what she’s
getting--selfishness... A big fat heaping serving of it. Why waste her
time or mine? I tell ‘em, but it never works. They don’t think it’ll be
so bad putting up with all this. Maybe they think they can change me.
Yeah, like that’ll happen...”
“Being in this great sport--being great in this sport-- requires
selfishness... It’s demanded of you, just like sacrifice is. But that
selfishness is not for personal profit or pleasure, but personal
achievement. There’s something I need to accomplish and nothing’s gonna
get between me and it... Nothing.
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Been seeing this great girl for a month and a half… She’s working hard,
paying her dues, putting up with all my shit… Can’t say I’ve been able
to return the favor, but then again, I’m twelve weeks out from a show.
So last month, just after we started seeing each other, she tells me
her birthday is coming up. She wants some wining and dining, some
romance. Girls dig that shit, right? Yeah, I wanted to do something
nice for her, even got her a present… Long story short, it’s Friday and
today’s her birthday… Yeah, fuck man, I promised her I’d take her out
for dinner and some dancing. She got dressed to the nines, in this
killer short black dress—fucking hot, man. Me? I just got back from the
gym and I stink. Yeah, I fucked up. I’m having a couple small problems
with my diet… A couple of my bodyparts are lagging… Things I gotta
address soon. So anyways, I’m fucking stressed more than usual. Plus,
on top of it all, I had to take care of some business today that fucked
up my schedule. I had to train at the end of the day and I’m beat and I
still gotta eat my meal. I’m so tired, I just want to sleep… She’s
pissed and yelling, but I don’t even hear her… I’m just too fucking
tired… |
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Swept up… This journey I’m on is like a force of nature, a fucking
tornado churning through the land. It cuts a wide, destructive path,
threatening to sweep up anything and everything around it… Whoever gets
caught up in it is thrown into turmoil. Shit, most days, I don’t’ even
know where I’m gonna land, or if I’ll even land on my own two feet. So
I can only imagine what it must be like for innocent bystanders around
me to get caught up in this… Take my girl, for instance. What girl
doesn’t want to be swept off her feet? But there’s a world of
difference between “swept off” and “swept up”. My girl is paying the
price because of that difference… Her plans, her expectations on this
night, her birthday, were swept aside… No dinner, no dancing. In fact,
she had to order takeout for dinner. I offered to pay, but she wouldn’t
take it. “Fuck off, you asshole. You were supposed to take me out,” she
said. Yeah, this girl’s got some fire… I like that. But all that aside,
here she is, gutting it out, staying by my side. True, she’s pissed,
but she’s trying to make it work. Let me tell ya something, in this
game, you can get far by yourself. But if you got support—from your
family, your friends, your girl—life is just a little bit easier. And
trust me, this girl is solid gold. You ever find a girl who will put up
with all the shit we bodybuilders go through, you hold onto her. Now
maybe a little romance will get things back on track, I don’t know.
What I do know is that I got this girl in my bed and she’s fucking
slammin’… But I can’t even think straight. Right now, I just want to
sleep—and this bed I got is just too fucking small… Still, if I’m gonna
be
honest, I will admit this—sometimes it’s too big when she’s not in it…
Anyway, I got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'm going mix things up
a bit with my training and my diet, see what happens...
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Somewhere out there, someone is enjoying a hot cup of coffee, leisurely
reading the morning paper, eating a plate of donuts or croissants.
Somewhere out there, another day has started. The sky is clear, the air
is heavy with the scent of flowers, and birds are singing in the trees.
Somewhere out there, people are given a fresh start. Nothing of the
sort for me. I'm hurtling down a road that leads to my destiny... The
scenery passes by so quickly, it's all looks the same--nothing but a
blur. The days pass, no different from one another. But I can't
complain. This is what I've chosen for myself and I wouldn't have it
any other way. As I stand here and look in the mirror, like I do every
morning, everything gets washed away... The colors, the smells, the
things that add variety to life. I'd like that right now instead of
having to see my tired old face in the mirror. This morning, the guy in
the mirror looks back and screams, “What the fuck you looking at you
piece of shit? Get to work…” Yeah, another fucking Saturday morning.
Another fine day in Jersey… So things are cool with me and my girl. At
least I think they are… Stayed up later than I wanted to, but hey, you
gotta do what you gotta do. She’s got shit to take care of, so
it’s in the shower and out the door in fifteen minutes. Damn, this is a
small bathroom—and here I thought my bed was too small. I’d make
her breakfast, but one, I don’t have much of a range when it comes to
cooking and two, I don’t have a whole lot I could make for her. That
is, unless she wanted some eggs and plain oatmeal. I’ve got a full day
ahead of me as well. Gotta get some shit straightened out.
Nothing much… Just my diet and training, that’s all. I also have to
start thinking about my posing routine too. Posing routine… That’s the
part about competing that I fucking hate. Picking music. Figuring out a
routine to go with that… Anyway, though I still have 12 weeks to
go, I’m not leaning out as fast as I’d like. On top of that, my legs
and back are lagging. I’m gonna have to make some changes. Starting
next week, I gonna mix things up a bit, change my diet around. I’m also
thinking about changing gyms… My gym and I, we go way back. But I think
it’s time to move on… Decisions, decisions, decisions… |
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