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The Right Hand Path
by Machine
For what seemed like an instant, a long time ago, I aspired to be
preeminent in the world of bodybuilding. Truthfully, all I really
wanted was to do something rarely done by any athlete. To step out
there on that island and to say to the world, “Look… Look at what I
created.” There is something that is almost artistic about the
transformation of the human form through sweat and toil. I admit that I
was seized by the rapture of all that possibility; I woke up everyday
to the possibilities which were plenty regarding my bodybuilding fate.
I worked as hard as anyone can imagine in carrying my goals to
fruition, and I wouldn’t have dreamed of entertaining the possibility
that it couldn’t happen. I was as driven as any man I have ever seen
with regard to my physical development. I trained with almost religious
zeal; I cared for my nutritional needs in the same manner, and I was as
disciplined and consistent as a Franciscan Monk. I was truly devoted to
learning my lifelong craft and to being the living representation of
physical culture incarnate. And for a while, things were going very
well, after I really got to know my body, I could weigh what I wanted
to—275 then 305 then 315 then 335, etc. You can imagine how the world
was opening up to me, I felt as strong as a charging bull elephant. I
could perform all manner of physical feats of strength. Pressing
dumbbells—100s then 120s then 150s, then ultimately 180s. Squatting 225
then 405 then 525 then 615 and on and on. Reality was becoming what I
willed it to be and that felt unimaginably good.
But things didn’t work out quite as I had imagined they would, and the
reasons it didn’t where as distressing as I could have imagined. But
there is nothing in the world to be down about; I am alive and vitally
engaged in the struggle each new day brings. But the most beautiful
thing of all was the knowledge that the first test is always a test of
your strength; and the next test is a test of your weakness. The reason
I find that beautiful is both my strength and weakness have been tested
and I am still here, still spitting venom, still pushing back. still
telling the underdog that he must bite back. And best of all, I found
the true joy that comes from helping people, helping anyone accomplish
anything. Finding that I had all kinds of strengths I hadn’t showed the
world until I was confronted by my own mortality. I began to understand
that age old sage wisdom, “With great power, comes great
responsibility.” That means that I am just as comfortable speaking to
the board of directors, as I am with speaking to a group of inmates
imprisoned for life, as I am to a group of kids playing ball in the
park. That means that I find great utility in speaking plainly to
people that I can reach on matters with which I have had experience. To
give of oneself so fully that there is danger of becoming lost within
the struggle and then learning that being lost is so close to being
found, and earning the freedom from that knowledge to strive in the
face of pain.
But having strength and knowledge comes with the terrible burden of
giving people what they need in place of what they desire. So I try to
have the strength to show people the truth about us all, that we are
all flawed and imperfect, that our desires are fleeting, and that the
champions among us are made not born. We all think we know exactly what
it is that we want until something comes along to knock us on our ass.
Know that as your desires are revealed to you, your strengths will be
tested first, everything you are good at will be used against you. Know
that as your strengths become your weaknesses, you will be tested
without benefit of your armor; you will know what true weight is. I
prided myself on fucking with gravity, on pushing the limits of my
physiology, and on pressing past my internal and external limitations.
That was my strength; and it was also my weakness.
Ask me if I would do it all again, and I’ll tell you that I would do it
all again without even considering it for an instant. There were, and
there still are, truly magical moments. Moments in which my world
stopped turning, the breath in my lungs was hotter than fire, I spoke
no words, I thought of nothing, I heard nothing, I saw myself as a
mechanism of primal force, bent on surviving the test of the weight.
And in those moments I became vision, I became reality, and I became
hope. And still people ask me if I ever wished that things turned out
differently; but this is who I am. This is the will I have come to
forge from molten desire. And even when my desire to win was supplanted
by my desire for mere survival, I never regretted one single moment of
the life I chose, the circumstances I wrought, the fate I sealed, or
the risks I have taken. Sure, I think about the things that people
believe they have to do in order to be successful in this game and it
saddens me… But never enough to sway my love for the purest thing I
have ever known. One moment, one man, one desire, one will, one purpose
and one chance to create a legacy that will outlast the very iron in
your hand. So where will this twisted road end? I don’t have the
slightest idea, and if my life’s tumultuous history has taught me
anything, it’s that I will never give up a rep, I will never give up on
a set, I will never abandon a battle plan, I will never give up on
myself no matter how large the odds are stacked against me. I am living
proof that it is better to be stubborn than talented. And when it comes
time to fight, fuck, or hit the fence, my example dictates that you
should look fate squarely in the eye, steel your nerves and load heavy,
because you just might surprise yourself. |
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