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Refocus and Rebuild
by The House
The hot bright lights are shining in my face, blinding me as I stand on
the line waiting to hear the head judge call out the sentence. Like a
criminal in a line up my heart was beating fast and I could not swallow
because my mouth was so dry with tension. Then boom he drops the gavel
the verdict is read… I was not in the top five. At that moment my heart
slowed down and almost stopped. My legs got weak and I had to swallow
my pride which was tough with my dry mouth and my pride being all dried
up and dark.
I could feel my body wanting to cry inside but I had to stand tall and
take it like a soldier knowing the battle was lost. As I walked off the
stage I looked unfazed but was feeling a million emotions at once
rushing into my mind, a sensory overload almost making me crash. As I
turned off stage I saw my wife and two children and I could see in
their eyes I was still the same man to them. I felt calm and relaxed
but still feeling overwhelmed I knew everything would be OK with them
by my side.
After the show everyone had their two cents as what went wrong and
everyone becomes the guru telling me what I should have done and what
to do next. Asking me if I am going to compete again, asking me if I am
throwing in the towel and not competing anymore because of my last few
placings. I find it amazing how when you are doing well everyone is
riding your coattail then when everything starts to go down everyone
starts to jump ship. Fucking fair weather fans, I call them. There are
only a few people that stick with you during down times and I can count
them on one hand and still have my middle finger left to fly at those
who jumped ship. It makes me pissed that people think that this little
stepping stone is going to throw off my bodybuilding. This is the
farthest thing from my mind.
I use these lessons as motivation and will come back stronger. I have
come too far and put too much time in this game to stop. If I would
stop I would never get a return on all the investment I have put into
this. I am not ready to sell all my stocks yet. When you sell your
stock you sell when it is high, not low. I will refocus and rebuild
this house. My mind is in a good state right now. I am motivated and
ready to continue my path. I might not know where my path leads but let
me tell you this my path does not stop here. I will refocus , rebuild
and walk the path not knowing where it leads, only knowing it will
change many times during my life.
I will be stepping on stage again this year. I have already started my
new path for this show. My goal for this show is to come in with better
conditioning and separation. There were many positives that came from
this past show like my added size. Now I just need to tie everything
together and finish it off right. Then I will refocus and rebuild
again. |
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